Passa Passa the Lyin Porcupine

Standard

Passa Passa was a porcupine that liked to talk way too much
Spread rumours, tell lies and stories, gossip and such
And though an animal with quills like weapons on his back
He could kill you with chat, rinse your ears out with chat!

passa 2

One day, his was in the middle of a big group of guys
Telling some ridiculous lies, you could see it in his eyes
The way they shifted around to see if anyone could tell
While he verbalized so nice to put the crowd under his spell
The way his spines would kind of twitch with the tall tales sublime
The way his gift of lyrics made him feel so mighty fine
Than the other much more honest and down to earth porcupines
And a porcupine’s down, below the ground, that’s where they reside

Now, happened in that crowd that there was one who wasn’t down
He was the friend of a cousin of this one dude named Spiny Brown
And Spiny was a porcupine not known to mess around
He had a real bad temper, and he was feared all over town
Spiny was full of muscles, loved to tussle, no one was meaner
He could puncture every tire of an entire eighteen-wheeler
They say he could fling quills like javelins over 100 metres
That he had claws like a cutlass is why his tunnels were so much deeper

Anyway, this guy in the crowd, it turns out he had a connection
To Spiny, and he heard something that captured his attention
In the story Passa was spinning, in his ridiculous narration
Bragging about how he was the toughest porcupine in the nation
And trash talking Spiny, running down his reputation
Burying the truth in deception and twisted information
And distortion and deception and the typical self-inflation
Of the likes of one like Passa, slick talking master of falsification

As soon as he heard the boasting, well, the guy run off to snitch
He found Spiny’s cousin and told him about this lying little b****
The two of them reached by Spiny, who was trying to scratch an itch
On his back, which for a porcupine is more or less impossible-ish
After hearing, Spiny was bellowing, looking to settle the score properly
He stomped down Passa’s tunnel, and then skewered all his property
In his mind, he imagined impaling every part of Passa’s anatomy
He was in an especially bad mood cuz he had slept kinda crappily

But Passa just kept happily talking about folks behind their backs
When it came to chat, it’s like he most definitely had the knack
What was funny for an animal with all these needles on his back
Is how he could kill you with chat, rinse your ears out with chat!

Now Spiny bristling with a viscous set of growls and grumbles
Searched out Passa and found him hiding under a pile of leaves and rubble
Started to chase him at top speed, with intent to thump and pummel
(True, top speed for porcupines is still a low gear kind of shuffle
In fact, it looks a little funny cuz they have this side-to-side waddle)
But it wasn’t funny for Passa cuz he was in some serious trouble
And as he fled, he fell into what looked like a pond or big puddle
But he plunged much deeper, disappearing into a whirl of bubbles

After sinking for what seemed like miles and almost blacking out
He was catapulted from out the water in a gigantic waterspout
Gasping for breath, he opened his eyes, but nothing looked familiar
Gone was the forest where he had grown up since he was a youngster
For once in his life, Passa was actually at a loss for words
But just in behind him, he thought he heard something stir
It was another porcupine, but it was stranger and like no other
A weird sort of mutation cuz he had no spines, just smooth all over

Passa noticed the guy had two big juicy mangos he was clutching
He told him “Hey, I’m Passa Passa,” but the guy just started munching
Passa said “Nice quills!” and then “Gimme a bite, ‘I’m kind of hungry”
The strange porcupine just kept eating, looking at Passa like he was crazy
“True, I got the barb-wire killer quills, best in the land”
Said the mind-blowing porcupine holding a mango in each hand
“What’s wrong with you, tho,” he continued, “What, did yours just all fall out?
I feel sorry for you, I’d give you a mango but as you can see I’m all out

The guy then just walked off, leaving Passa Passa standing there confusedly
He reached back to feel for his quills in the place where they were usually
He wondered if maybe it was all some weird dream or something
Hoping he would soon wake up and go have a tasty breakfast muffin
But soon he came across another one of these spineless porcupines
And another and anther, and no matter how hard Passa tried
He could understand their language but there was no getting used to it
Everything they said was not just untrue, it was exactly the opposite

But when it came to truth, Passa didn’t know too much bout that
He was too busy running his stink mouth with all kinda stupid chat
It’s funny with all these wicked little spears on his back
He could kill you with chat, rinse your ears out with chat!

Passa felt like his head would explode, he couldn’t breathe, he needed air
He started running as a fast as he could to try and escape this nightmare
He saw a sign saying “Escape Route” and ran the way it was pointing
But the sign, too, was a lie, and he ended up falling off a huge mountain
Plummeting through the clouds like extreme bungee jumping
He plunged into a canyon into a river that was flooding
He rose to the surface, good thing he took classes swimming
Crawled to the shore, and looked up only to see big Spiny grinning

Well, needless to say, Passa got a good old time butt-whooping
Then he went back to his tunnel for some good old home cooking
And when he finished eating, he had a long long dreamless sleep
And didn’t come out of his tunnel for about two or three weeks
It was hard getting back to reality after what he had been through
But he was so glad to in a place where things seemed more or less true
And though he wasn’t as popular not telling people what they want to hear
He at least stayed true to himself and that’s a truth he held dear

You see, from that day forward, Passa didn’t talk quite so much
He stayed away from spreading rumours, telling lies, gossip and such
He was an animal well protected with natural defences on his back
No need to kill you with chat, rinse your ears out with chat!

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